By Tom Breen
The ebook offers a funny examine modern Christianity throughout the skewed lens of the net Theologian, a pompous, absurdly self-important pundit whose self assurance in his pronouncements might be matched purely through his utter loss of uncomplicated information regarding his subject material. Believing that the one factor a true theologian wishes is a cable modem, the net Theologian touches on Christianity's dating with tune, activities, best-selling novels, and vacation trips, between others. The ebook additionally features a convenient box consultant to some of the methods american citizens interpret Jesus.
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Additional info for The Messiah Formerly Known as Jesus: Dispatches from the Intersection of Christianity and Pop Culture
Baseballs are three for a dollar, sir; knock yourself out. S ex: It’s important to clear up a few misconceptions about this term as it applies to Christians. First: It’s technically true that Christians are not allowed to have sex. Scientists are not entirely sure how they’ve managed to grow to the point where there are over two billion of them; it certainly can’t be the music. Perhaps they have some kind of deal worked out with the Hindus; we just don’t have all the facts. There’s an old joke about Christians opposing sex because it leads to dancing, but anyone who’s ever seen the pope spread out some cardboard and bust out his truly jawdropping arsenal of breakdancing moves knows that doesn’t hold water.
Kids: Are your parents giving you grief about sneaking away from home to meet up with shady college guys you met on the Internet? Why, that’s nothing less than fundamentalist parenting! Ladies: has your man forgotten your birthday yet again this year, only to turn up at the last minute with some wilted ﬂowers and a gift certiﬁcate to the Olive Garden? Fundamentalist romancing at its most heinous. ” Actually, that new cheese they have there is pretty fundamentalist, too. T he Emerging Church: A term that refers to churches attended exclusively by white people in their twenties and thirties who have at least one tattoo or body piercing.
Christians are not all plotting to establish a Handmaid’s Tale-esque theocracy in which not even Hollywood starlets can get divorced. And atheists, for their part, mostly don’t sympathize with Hitler. Healing this illusory rift requires nothing more complicated than a simple explanation of common terms, concepts, and groups—a “crib sheet,” if you will, to the more esoteric aspects of faith in America. And who better qualiﬁed to provide this service than I? Why, I have spent literally hours skimming Wikipedia entries and chat room conversations, to the point where my grasp of Christianity, both sweeping and discerning, rivals that of such noted theologians as John Chrysostom and Gandalf.