By Martha Heineman Pieper, William J. Pieper
Drawing upon their years of counseling adventure, the bestselling writer crew of Martha Heineman Pieper, Ph.D. and William J. Pieper, M.D. clarify how parenting types in response to self-discipline and over the top expectancies young children to equate sadness with love. This usually persists into maturity, resulting in behaviors together with consuming issues, compulsive playing, disastrous romantic offerings, substance abuse, and extra. This ebook offers readers with robust instruments, together with self-assessments, checklists, diaries, and routines, to beat their desire for disappointment.
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Extra resources for Addicted to Unhappiness: Free Yourself from Moods and Behaviors That Undermine Relationships, Work, and the Life You Want
As adults, they are likely to criticize themselves severely for behaviors that others might take in stride. A man who was consulting us felt worthless and painfully depressed because he called someone by the wrong name at a party. A woman was awake all night with insomnia after her boss pointed out one or two grammatical errors on a report she had written. Adults’ problematic behaviors often have their roots in their early relationships with their parents, but they may also have been shaped by experiences with other important adults.
You would also have emulated your parents and learned to offer sympathy and understanding to yourself and others when disappointments occurred. But if your parents or teachers misunderstood what it is to have the mind of a child and expected you to show a maturity of which you weren’t capable, you agreed with them that you should be able to act as they wished and you felt inadequate. You had no way to determine what was a reasonable expectation, so you may still expect more of yourself than is fair, and you may often find it difficult to feel that your efforts are good enough.
It never occurred to his father than Ron might not want to be an attorney. It never occurred to Ron either, until he took a geology course in college and became fascinated with the evolution of landmasses. Ron took advanced geology courses along with the prelaw curriculum he had been pursuing. The clearer it became to him that he preferred geology, the more guilty he felt. He began to avoid going home, felt increasingly depressed, and couldn’t find the energy to pursue any goal at all. Finally, Ron went to the student mental health center, where the guidance counselor pointed out that Ron’s assumption that his father 42 Addicted to Unhappiness would be devastated and disappointed in him for not wanting to be a lawyer was not necessarily accurate.